From the time I was pretty darned young, I was going to be a veterinarian, like my dad. My high school and the first couple of years of college were all solidly based on an aspiration.
After I got to Ames, I started to have second thoughts, and I decided to take an occupational interest survey to see what the data said. The way to get an interest test at Iowa State was to go through the University Counseling Service, and before you could take the test, you had to have an interview with one of the staff psychologists.
I got there to take my test, and they gave me a short form to fill out, with name, rank, etc, and a short answer that was something like "what problems can we help you with today?" I wrote "if I'm not going to be a veterinarian, whatever will I do with my life?" When I sat down with the counselor, he began by looking over my short form. He read the question aloud, and then replied "for starters, you can stay away from open windows."
After we'd talked for awhile, he re-evaluated, and said "I guess you can leave the windows open after all..."
I've been thinking about that exchange more than a few times, lately. Today, after I warded away the hospice chaplain, I got a call from one of their social workers, who really wants to come for "a visit."
Maybe I'm horribly mistaken, but I think that both dp and I have made our peace with this. Yeah, it sucks, and yeah, it'll hurt, but I think the denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance bases have all been covered. So tomorrow, we'll let the social worker do her thing, so that she can reassure herself that it's safe to leave us near open windows.
Anyway, today was a pretty busy day for both of us. Dede did a massage at 10:30, while I went to work. The hospice nurse was there at 1 to redo her foley, and then there were visits by Lilly, then Bree, then Tim, Robyn, Lauren and Joe (who fetched root beer floats) and then Jeff and Lilly again. dp's probably eaten more today than she's had in the last week.
...our scenario surrounding the big C.
Welcome!
This weblog began as a way to keep loved ones informed as we learned about our diagnosis in March 2007.
"the sCenario" has evolved into a journal, a photo display, an historic record, a scrapbook, an inspiration, a place for loved ones to gather.
We hope you enjoy your visit!
--Kevin and Diana
Blog Archive
-
▼
2008
(45)
-
▼
April
(18)
- Written Stuff
- Writers and Biographers Needed
- Diana's Next Great Adventure
- The Eye of the Storm
- Back in DaWoods again
- A Sunday Sort of Update
- Another Friday in da Woods
- Wednesday
- Tuesday night in Da Woods
- Open Windows
- Sunday
- Visitors
- Dede
- Home again naturally
- Going Home
- dp, Kevin, and the Goblet of Fire
- Palliative Treatment
- Bad News
-
▼
April
(18)
6 comments:
Kevin, I absolutely agree that both have you have dealt with the stages of this horrible process. I was remembering yesterday that Diana had discussed it early on in a blog post. The social worker might benefit from reading thru the blog if she/he has any doubts. I'll come back later with the date of the post I remembered.
If they want to talk to someone who's known you both for a long time, feel free to give them my number.
The specific post I was referring to above was March 24, 2007.
Kevin, I agree. I commented about my friends Frank and Mary, who battled rare kidney cancer, the other day. Mary did what you have done: she focused on being present for her partner, and on making the process as meaninful and personal as possible. Consequently, I think, she survived Frank with what appeared to be a minimum of regret or guilt. I'm sure there were cobwebs in some closet or another for her, as there are for all of us, but she and Frank gave his passing a great deal of thought and gave their life in the interim even more.
Root beer floats! Mmmmmmm!
I'll be by tonight. BWR, the moribund band-that-won't-stop, no matter how much we may threaten to, has a practice.
When I stopped by to see DP the other day, I thought about saying goodbye. That's not what I did. It was good to just spend a little (more) time.
I still talk to my Dad once in a while and he's been gone a long time.
Let's not say "au revoir." Let' just say "hor d'ouvres".
Ho Sam, what do our divorces have to do with anything?
Couldn't resist that one. I've not been checking the blog much lately, 10 minutes in front of a monitor with hands out in front of me starts the nerve/muscle pain in my right shoulder that is so disabling. nonetheless it's a pain i'm willing to accept this morning.
i'm still studying the "meaning of life", but i did learn as a young teenager that death is a painfully distinct way station on this human path our spirits travel. since the death of my younger brother 47 years ago, i have learned coping measures to deal with the emotions surrounding a death. helping however i can, cleaning a bathroom, fixing a meal, sitting quietly with the traveler about to depart, or the family and friends gathering in support of the traveler and each other. I, also, feel honored to be invited and able to participate in moment in a person's life as intimate as their birth.
And that is how Aerial's name is spelled. Bless her heart, she invited me to her birth dayparty.
We are all in my thoughts and prayers today. This is gonna hurt big time. and all the coping measures in the world are not gonna make that be not so.
A. Noni
Hi Diana I know Kevin is reding these for you and I wanted to share the Poem that Gavin wrote a couple of weeks ago. I was trying to tell it to you the other day.
Dear bird, in the tree and bears so big and fat. Mouses so meek and small. Happy spring and welcome back.
dear bats in the big red barn, and frogs hopping alon the shore, please eat the bugs so happily, especialy the mosquitos.
Dear hawks sitting in your nice homes, don't get boo boos on you tallons. Moles dig your holes in the ground and please don't do it in our yard.
Dear woodpeckers pecking on our house, fish, fish,fish,ferocious fish please eat the worm on my line, if you wish.
Dear deer and baby fawne you'll soon have plenty to eat. Turkeys get your fill; Thanksgiving is a long way away.
Dear sandhillcrane sing loud and strong spring is here, spring is here. spring, spring spring is here! hoorah!
Gavin age 4
Thank you again for the time you have given me and the love you sharred.
Dennis
After someone commented with "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock", we figured we would put our thoughts down in well written words as well.
We love you dp and Kevin, and every word that e.e. cummings says in this poem is true:
i carry your heart with me
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
- e.e. cummings
Post a Comment