Well, what to say? dp looks like she's in better shape today than she was when she came home last week. She's not eating or drinking a whole lot, but as long as we don't move her around or bump the bed much, she's in no pain -- she still has the morphine PCA, but she hasn't hit the button in a couple days now. She does have a harder time distinguishing her dreams from what I'm calling reality, but she's still on top of things most of the time.
Lily flew back to NYC today. Perry heads back to Oregon on Sunday, and Patty is training back to Ann Arbor on Monday. Mom is still here, making food and entertaining visitors and generally holding down the fort.
So, we hang out while we can. We have said all the important stuff, I think. It really comes down to the same three words -- "I love you." Do yerself a favor, and say it to someone today.
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8 comments:
Before Sam says it much better, I can tell you what everyone else has been saying for days and weeks and unfortunately months, both of you have weathered this with grace and you are an inspiration. And actually for years, you two have been an inspiration. I love you. I think she wants to see Nancy.
Donnamarie asked me if I thought she was waiting for me. I find the thought flattering and, in a way, frightening, but I will be happy to see her smile on Wednesday. And who's to say which of us has the best grip on reality right now. I think this is all pretty unreal myself. I love all of you for being there in person and in spirit.
My Dad waited for me to tell him I knew what was happening to Mom and that I would take care of her.
I think Diana is happy not to be having to act chipper about fighting cancer. Now she gets to spend time with people she loves, all of whom are making efforts to come and hang out while the hanging's good.
I stopped by for coctails on the way home (admonished by Dede that my formula for more frequent sobriety also is a recipe for OMVUI - duly and soberly noted) and thought that this was how I'd like to go. Don't get me wrong, I don't want Cancer. I'd like to perish rescuing a child from a burning bus. But I'd sure love it if all my oldest friends and relations stopped by and spent some time. Right before the bus caught on fire. Or something.
So maybe the question is: how long can we keep this rotation going? There are enough of us, we could probably stretch the second round of visits into mid August. Let's manipulate Fate! I know it's bargaining, but what the hell. Fate's been messing with us for years.
Katie - don't worry about who says what better. Just say it.
I have been thinking for a while now that much of what is written here over the last couple weeks could be pulled together into a treatise on how to do death and dying with grace and dignity.
My other thought this morning is that dp has always lived life on her own terms and I see no reason to expect that to change now.
My mother was in CICU following her first heart attack. My dad, a couple of friends who truly loved my mom, and the 3 of us who survived childhood kept a 24 hr vigil at her bedside from wednesday afternoon's attack on into the weekend. it was the opening of pheasant season, and as my brother left his shift at 6:30 am on saturday she said, "shoot one for me". when my sister arrived at the hospital at 7, mom had already had the second heart attack, with her doctor and nurse at her bed at the time, and she was gone. i've always believed that it was the strength of our love, and our desire not to let her go that kept her alive those three days, while her spirit was needed urgently elsewhere. as long as one of us was there, she was still tied here. so i'm selfishly with cran man: let's just keep the party going all summer! i imagine dp is also needed somewhere else, but she'll just have to be late getting there.
A. Noni
Dear dp, and extended family, it's easy to say thank you all for helping to teach me to live well, now I dare to say thanks to dp for also showing me how to die well; with a friend or 2 I love at hand.
May we all be so fortunate to have sewn such a crop great people over the years!
Kevin, I'll bite! I love you & dp too!
Nancy,discussion of the value of this blog has already made its way into my academic settings as a new form of "the social." I talk about my experiences, watching everybody elses experiences develop here. It has provoked the most fascinating discussions about what "genuine" social interaction means to participants, and stimulated some fascinating links on a personal level as well.
Sam, I recently bought one of those stainless steel percolator/coffee maker that reminds me of you. Remember back when you lived in that apartment and kicked my ass at chess on a regular basis, probably due to coffee overload?
-Best,
Rodney
One stange phenom of this blog is that I know Kevin and dp's friends even though I have seen them 2 or 3times in 26 years. I don't believe that I could pick Sam out in a crowd but his postings regularly bring me to tears or crack me up (Thanksgiving!)
If dp were writing this she would report on the new growth in da woods, the crocus are up, the tulips are 6", buds on the trees ect. The rain and cold are supposed to abate in Western Wisconsin starting Monday, I can picture dp and Nancy with the door open enjoying the sounds, sights and smells of Spring in da woods.
Much love,
Else
PS. Did you finish The Goblet of Fire? You know I brought the rest of the books.
k and dp: i love you. k and dp: i love you---*sings* "there, i've said it again". A. Noni
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