As I've mentioned before, I've been following Leroy Siever's blog at: http://www.npr.org/blogs/mycancer/
Prompted by a recent discussion about using pain medications, I commented, and another reader responded to my saying, "We had flunked chemotherapy and were moving on to radiation therapy." What follows is my response to his comment:
Ceese> Thank you for your post:
"dp,
It wasn't you who flunked, it was the chemotherapy. You probably aced it: showed up each day on time, didn't run away, did all the stuff you were supposed to, right? Well, here's to the radiation matching YOUR success. Ceese"
There's a part of me who knows that you are ablsolutely right; I haven't 'flunked' chemotherapy, and I appreciate the reminder!
I apologize for, and hope to explain, the somewhat dejected perspective:
As a retired teacher and researcher, I remember being excited when I found subjects eligible for a study that we were conducting, and being disappointed when we learned they weren't.
In March we learned that I was a candidate for a national study that our local University is taking part in. The short of it is that I have moved very quickly from being the clinic's 'Sterling Study Subject' to being a similar kind of disappointment, and now frustration to the professionals working to help us cure this cancer.
The initial Study involved concurrent chemotherapy with radiation. Once no longer eligible as a subject, a course of chemotherapy was prescribed. Yes, you're right, again, Ceese; we made all of the appointments, didn't run away, were on time, etc. *laughs*
I had a serious allergic reaction to the first infusion. Lowered white cell counts coupled with residual pain (from the thorocotomy done in mid-May) interrupted the second cycle attempt. It's _that_ pain that I needed to stay ahead of and which prompted my initial post yesterday.
While I've been reading this blog since our diagnosis, I don't recall reading about Leroy or others being part of studies. Have any of you?
I remember feeling fortunate to be a part of such a study. I remember being concerned about insurance not covering 'experimental procedures.' I remember the disappointment we felt when we learned we weren't. ...just smacked of failure *winces*
...and from now on, I'll remember that it's the chemotherapy that's failing me, and not vice versa. Thanks, again!
We are now almost six months out and are going to 'try a couple weeks of radiation.' The Study called for seven weeks of radiation...
Our good news is that tumor is the same size; our bad news is that the tumor is the same size.
Being a member of the CancerCommunity teaches us a lot, starting with an appreciation of this blog and the folks who participate here.
*raises a glass of blueberry juice with Creese in a toast to our upcoming radiation*
Today's photo is another of Kevin's from this year...a pair of house sparrows (underside) and a triad of house finches (in the bowl).
Cold seems better!
How's by you, this Ides of August??
2 comments:
I don't personally know anyone who has control over all of the processes of his/her body, which is what would be required for you to be the "Sterling Study Subject" of the U of I hospital. You did everything you needed to do.
I get the frustration, the initial excitement followed by disappointment. Yet you have kept going, in the face of death, fear, and numerous scary drugs designed to kill everything in your body, except that the cancer would be killed more quickly than the rest of you. That is courage.
So I raise my glass to you (raspberry juice -- is blueberry juice good?).
Now that I'm relatively cootie-free, I'll see you on billiards day.
Hey, Sleeves!!
Thank you for the kind words.
Blueberries are high in anti-oxidants. And very expensive...so, we generally find it mixed with other juices.
So good to hear that you're cootie-free! How was your game this afternoon??
Be well.
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